I dreamed a little dream not even worth dreaming. Made my own pretty hate machine and made more sugar water…for the humming birds, that is. Boys on my left side, boys on my right side, and you’re not here. Not here, like spring isn’t here but wanting to but giving in to Winter because even love birds must sign prenups, darling. The birds are anxious, they are mating, building nests and just when it warms up, we get a storm again. I thought the storms were over so I planted some citrus trees. Three days later it snowed. ‘I sent them to their death,’ I thought. It turns out they survived.
I have a war of hummingbirds outside my window and in my head, and it gives me great pleasure to witness the bully hummer, Fearless, be dethroned after several years. It took an army, led by another Anna’s Hummingbird I have dubbed Jeronimo. He has face markings which look like war paint. War paint he needed to defeat Fearless. Jeronimo, Serafina and a few other Anna’s females have taken over the feeders and fight Fearless every time he goes to a feeder. Lola the cat and I watch.
Everyone is excited about the Big Bear Eaglets and I’m happy so many people are so invested, but I want to warn them. I have seen it a thousand times on bird cams and in real life. I’ve had to clean out so many dead birds from Western Bluebird nesting boxes. And some folks felt so stupid for crying and being sad when E1 died. I have cried and gone into depressions after birds I watch on bird cams die, many times. It’s okay to care so much about the birds even if they could give a shit about you, I’ve made a life of it just fine.
To be honest, I’m not ready for spring though the birds and the boys and the bears and the blooms all are.
My Love is for the Birds - Sketches 