Just last week, I was on the 6:30 news interviewed on what the effects of wildfire smoke are on birds in Northern California, then the Park Fire broke and I’m a hot mess. Watching everyone around me get evacuated, losing their homes is too much to bare. To see those trees I’ve birded and owled at go up in flames breaks my heart to no end. And I haven’t even began to unpack what I’m feeling for my ex-lover, who is most likely at the fire. I can’t allow myself to think about him. Maybe I’m feeling my house’s pain of when it burned to the ground six years ago exactly in the Carr Fire, or maybe I can’t stop crying because I know what the Park Fire means for me: I’m going to have to move. And who by fire is going to buy a house in Fire Country after this, and who by water will be able to afford the insurance in Fire Country after this. I can’t. And because I’m a hot mess and I can’t stop crying and I’ve had a headache for three days from the smoke, I’m leaving for some days. I’m going to pack the car up, load up my animals and head to Vegas with my family.
I’m sad that I won’t be here for my birds, but right now I need to get right and I cannot be here right now. Maybe then will I be able to decide what to do with my life next. The Park Fire has changed everything.
My Love is for the Birds - Sketches 