Maybe it was the horses, or the California race tracks, the passion for the sport and maybe even the young love. But something about this 20-year old, cheesy series I stumbled upon in the middle of a sleepless night, has me missing my old life like nothing has. I guess I never realized how many memories I have of going to the track. And for years, Del Mar was a summer tradition. Back then I had friends, I had a life. And now this show has made me wonder how much longer I can stay here. His name was Wildfire no less. When I finished the show with its long 4 seasons, I couldn’t get out of bed for an entire day and replayed it all over again. I wanted the thrill of the track and the young love all over again. I felt so off, so awful, so alone. I wanted to cry, but couldn’t and the only thing which brought me calm was watching the birds in the front yard. There were families of quail with their little ones. A family of Goldfinches and several Western Bluebirds. The poor birds were panting with their beaks open. The three-digit heat won’t stop. And then at the bird bath I saw them!! The two Western Bluebird fledglings which were born in one of the nesting boxes. The only two which survived out of 4 nesting attempts and 20 eggs. It was good to see they were alive and had stuck around and were cooling off in the water I put out for the birds everyday. ‘Where did I go so wrong’ I wondered. Then I thought of Isabel Archer and perhaps that book is to blame for the way I turned out. Whether it was or it wasn’t, it’s too late now, I ain’t about to go straight.
Sure, Horse is my spirit animal, but I never thought in a million years that it would be the memory of the horse races which would make me question just what the hell I’m doing here. In my Shamanistic Journeys it is Horse who carries me on his back out of bad situations. I can feel him galloping under me as he takes me away. Maybe this Horse intervention is no different than the ones I’ve had in the other realms. Except here, it is thoroughbreds we’re talking about.
My Love is for the Birds - Sketches 