I clicked my heels and mentioned you three times to the tree fellers at the bar. There’s no one like you. There’s no one like you. There’s no one like you. And nothing happened. I’m always mentioning you to strangers, all your fires and your feats. I need to stop because I’m sure you’re not mentioning me to a soul. What’s it like to carry around a secret as big as me?
And just when I had come to terms that to you I’m nothing but an after-though, a never-thought, you sent me a message. It was a picture of Neko Case and her tour dates. She was coming to your town. “I pay attention to everything you say,” you said. I wondered if you ever played her to think about me.
Another night you wrote me reliving the last time we saw each other: “I remember everything about that night.”
The other night you wrote, “I’m in love with this new song. I’m curious to know what you think of it.” As it turns out I was in love with that new song too, had been playing and replaying it for weeks. I wrote back, “Baby, let’s get high and spend Johnny’s Cash.” I couldn’t believe how after all these years we were still so musically connected.
After some years, I understood what you were saying, I was not an after-thought but a forethought, an always-thought even if you never showed it. I told you I would come see the Sandhill Cranes outside your house. The ones you didn’t know were there until I told you your house is on the migrating path of the cranes dating back three million years. You laughed and called me a nerd. I told you the birds are all I have. I didn’t go because I tire of how our friendship has always been on your terms. So my feelings for you went south for the winter with the cranes and that was that. And I’d like to think that if you were here, I would fix you when in truth, if you were here, you’d probably break me. And these days, when The Velvet Underground comes on, I hit Next. They remind me of you and these days, I don’t let myself think about you though I’ve come to understand you will always think about me.
I clicked my heels and mentioned you three times to the tree fellers at the bar. There’s no one like you. There’s no one like you. There’s no one like you. And nothing happened. I’m always mentioning you to strangers, all your fires and your feats. I need to stop because I’m sure you’re not mentioning me to a soul. What’s it like to carry around a secret as big as me?
My Love is for the Birds - Sketches 