It gives me some guilty pleasure to know why I bought a house on a Carr Fire lot. If you know me at all, you’ll know it had almost all to do with the Neko Case lyrics:
“Oh, lie. I thought you were golden, I thought you were wild. I caught you returning to the house you caught fire. But I was your favorite. And I said Amen.”
And a little to do with well, you know, my wildfire fascination and that secret I’ve been carrying around for years which I won’t ever say. I lived in Los Angeles then but I remember the Carr Fire well, and a text received in the middle of the night: “I leave for the Carr Fire at 0600.” And my secret worry, which followed on the days of firenadoes and my secret’s silence until one day I got all I could hope for: a text saying, “I’m alive” and a picture of a little man trying to put out a big flame.
It gave me some guilty pleasure to know the house had burned for me like no man ever had. It had burned to be rebuilt and bought by me. Now, that’s a love story. I have a pile of artifacts I have found from when the house was bulldozed. It gives me hope knowing that even bits of kitchen counters can rise from the ashes. Maybe my heart still has a chance.
Last night I walked the grounds with my headlamp while the dog chased frogs. I looked up at the somewhat starless night, I thanked the house for having burned for me.
“Oh, lie. I thought you were golden, I thought you were wild. I caught you returning to the house you caught fire. But I was your favorite. And I said Amen.”
My Love is for the Birds - Sketches 